today is monday/yesterday was monday

Today is Monday, and people always ask me why I am in UP. I always say that it is because of net connections, but today is Monday. And I am not okay.

The reason why I went to UP on a Monday dawned on me while I was chatting with my friends, telling them of things I never spoke about, but never really telling them of things I wanted to talk about. I filled the space with my regrets about him, but never filling it with the regrets that currently suffocate me.

Yesterday was Monday and I am still not okay. A year and a day cannot erase the thoughts that I carry inside my head, nursing it until it can grow into the monster that will consume me. Every interaction, every memory is carefully filed into the infinite abyss that is you.

Yesterday was Monday and I am still not okay. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for not being there. I can’t tell you how much I really wanted to go, but I let logic and reasoning stop me. I can’t tell you, and I never will.

I just hope I’m still your favorite.

Yesterday was Monday and I’m still not okay. I should have noticed how you were slowly deteriorating in front of my eyes, but I didn’t. I was too caught up with the things happening in my life, I didn’t even take a second glance. It was your birthday, but you looked sad and tired, and just plain weary.

I wish I could have done something, but I didn’t.

Yesterday was Monday and I’m still not okay. I can’t believe I let another chance go away. For the second time in my life, I have failed you once again. I’m soooooo soooooo sorry I couldn’t be there. God, how I wish I’m still your favorite. Even though I know that it wouldn’t change things, that you will still be gone.

Because yesterday was Monday and I’m still not okay.